{"id":529,"date":"2017-10-27T19:30:36","date_gmt":"2017-10-27T19:30:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kentrichter.com\/?page_id=529"},"modified":"2017-10-27T19:30:36","modified_gmt":"2017-10-27T19:30:36","slug":"the-fours","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/kentrichter.com\/?page_id=529","title":{"rendered":"The Fours"},"content":{"rendered":"

Look, I really don\u2019t care what you think of me. If you want to call me names, you won\u2019t come up with anything I haven\u2019t heard already from my ex-wife. Or my boss. Really I don\u2019t give a damn. I don\u2019t give a damn about much in general, so don\u2019t expect me to get excited about your questions and concerns. Fine, I\u2019ll sit here in your counseling rooms and do my community service. But stuff like this happens. Don\u2019t give me none of your damn sermons about public safety and drinking while driving. Alright, I fucked up. It happens. Hell, if you guys really wanted to go after someone who\u2019s a threat to society, you ought to follow my old friend Burt. God, what a loser! The only reason you won\u2019t find him in here for DUI is because he\u2019s so drunk he can\u2019t get off the couch. He used to go out to the bars, but he got in so many fights that now he just stays home.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Nah, he didn\u2019t used to be that way. He was a pretty basic guy till about 3 years ago. I think it was the fours that did it. Those damn fours.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Aw, it\u2019s a long story. And it\u2019s no big deal really. They just all took it too seriously. All of \u2018em. Maybe even Sam, but who knows about him. Burt certainly took it too seriously. God, what a loser!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sure, it was the fours. It was poker night. You know: Thursday\u2019s poker night, Friday\u2019s date night. My wife understood. I was late that night, since I had one of those extra projects my boss used to hand me, back before he became a jerk, and so Burt and Sam were already at Billy\u2019s; Sam was sipping his second beer. Burt didn\u2019t drink much back then. I think he knew he couldn\u2019t handle the alcohol. Should have never started.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Anyways, so I\u2019m late and the guys want to jump to playing right away. No big deal. We play a few hands, nobody\u2019s winning anything yet. You know, it\u2019s just small pots. Couldn\u2019t have been more than ten hands in and Billy deals. He loves his 5-card stud, so we gotta play stud. First card\u2019s down, then come the up cards. Sam gets a four; no big deal. Burt gets a four, and Billy \u2013 always talking too much \u2013 spouts the usual \u201cThere goes Sam\u2019s pair.\u201d Then I get a four and we all groan and laugh. Still, it\u2019s no big deal.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Well, then Billy gets the last four, and Burt yells at him. \u201cCrapo, Billy,\u201d Burt says (I remember the \u2018crapo\u2019), \u201cmaybe shuffle next time.\u201d Well, Billy starts protesting that he did shuffle and blah, blah, blah, and me, I\u2019m trying to explain that it isn\u2019t really any different than two eights, a six and a queen. You know what I mean? It\u2019s just a sequence of cards. Shut up, I says. \u201cDeal the cards,\u201d I says, \u201cbut if anybody gets another four, then I\u2019m protesting.\u201d I\u2019m funny, see?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Well, we got through the hand OK. I don\u2019t remember who won, but nobody had a pair of fours. But then \u2013 and why the hell he did this I\u2019ll never guess \u2013 Sam went and played stud. Sam never plays stud. So why\u2019d he do it? Why\u2019d that asshole do it? He never told us. \u2018Course Sam never talked much anyways.<\/strong><\/p>\n

So Sam plays stud. He shuffles \u2013 I saw him shuffle \u2013 and the down cards come around. Strange how Sam seems nervous, like he somehow seems to know what\u2019s gonna happen. He throws to Burt and damned if it isn\u2019t a four. Me and Burt laugh. Me, and it\u2019s another damn four. Somehow we aren\u2019t laughing. Burt cusses; Billy says \u201cThat\u2019s impossible.\u201d I\u2019m the only calm guy at the table. This time, I explain, it has to be the shuffling. After the last hand all the fours were close together in the deck, right? So having two consecutive fours is no surprise. I explain it to the guys. But Burt sits there cussing; Billy\u2019s shaking his head. And Sam, Sam\u2019s just quiet. Then all of us turn quiet, just looking at Sam. Almost like he\u2019s scared, Sam bends the next card up and looks at it. Bam! He slams the cards down like they\u2019re poisoned, throws his chair back and stands up, just staring at the deck.<\/strong><\/p>\n

No, that wasn\u2019t the end of it. Burt\u2019s just pissed off. \u201cJesus!\u201d he says, \u201cWhat the hell\u2019s wrong with you?\u201d And he grabs the deck. \u201cLet me have the cards,\u201d he says to us. \u201cSit down Sam,\u201d he orders. I notice he doesn\u2019t look at the top card, but gathers the few cards already dealt and starts shuffling. He shuffles 10, 15 times, cussing and mumbling the whole time. Sam\u2019s still standing there as Burt finishes, and Burt stares at him all angry. \u201cSit down Sam,\u201d he orders again, and Sam finally does.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cHere,\u201d says Burt, \u201cwe\u2019re gonna play some damn 5-card stud,\u201d and he deals. Four cards down, and he stops, gets the next four cards ready at the top of the deck. Then, rapid-fire-like, he throws them down to us: bam, bam, bam, bam. Four goddam fours!<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cShit!\u201d Burt yells and throws the cards across the table. They scatter all over, half of them across the end of the table and all over Billy. He just sits there as if he\u2019s letting them wash across him. Sam, too, is quiet, putting his head in his hands. Burt leaps up. \u201cWhat the fuck is wrong with those cards,\u201d he yells. Nobody says nothing.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Slowly, deliberately, Billy picks the cards off himself and lays them up on the table. He turns them all up, and then starts gathering the ones off the floor, turning them up onto the pile. Softly, easily, like he\u2019s whispering almost, he says, \u201cLook at the cards, you guys. Look at \u2018em.\u201d And he\u2019s right. There\u2019s nothing wrong with the cards. They\u2019re just cards: eights, kings, sixes, clubs, diamonds, spades. They\u2019re just cards.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Finally Sam talks, and, as if me and Burt weren\u2019t even there, he turns to Billy. \u201cWhat does it mean, Billy?\u201d he asks.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Billy starts saying, \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d but, well, by then I was a little impatient. \u201cIt don\u2019t mean shit, Sam,\u201d I says. \u201cThey\u2019re cards. Just fucking cards. Statistics. It\u2019s statistics. Cards come up and sometimes they\u2019re fours. That\u2019s all.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Well, yes, I guess I did cuss like that. OK, I\u2019m a little pissed off. Not like Burt, though, who\u2019s gone practically loony on us. So yes, I\u2019m a little angry, and I grab the cards, sweeping them up in front of me. \u201cLook, guys,\u201d I say, \u201cI\u2019m gonna play this damn hand and you\u2019re gonna sit here and play it with me.\u201d I turn the cards over, we all search the floor to make sure we got them all, and I mix \u2018em in a pile. I mix the hell out of \u2018em, finally pushing them together into a deck. \u201cShuffled, right?\u201d I says. \u201cOK. Five-card stud.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

I deal. Four cards down. First card up goes to Billy: four of spades. \u201cShit!\u201d Burt yells; Billy and Sam are quiet. \u201cShut up, Burt,\u201d I say, and I keep dealing. Card to Sam: four of diamonds. Burt just explodes with cussing. \u201cShut up, Burt!\u201d I say with a lot more force in my voice. I throw Burt\u2019s card: the goddam four of hearts! Well, that does it for all three of them pussies. Billy\u2019s got his face in his hands; Sam\u2019s trembling, practically whimpering. Burt\u2019s standing up again, cussing like hell. \u201cThis is shit!\u201d he\u2019s yelling. \u201cI\u2019m out of here!\u201d I stare that motherfucker down. \u201cSit down, Burt,\u201d I say with a voice like cold steel. \u201cSit down and shut up. I am playing this hand and so are you. Sit the fuck down!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

No, it wasn\u2019t funny. I\u2019m laughing now at those assholes. Me, I was the only sane guy at the table. I was gonna finish that damn hand and get on with poker.<\/strong><\/p>\n

So Burt sits, but you can see he\u2019s fuming. I start pulling the next card up and it\u2019s Sam who talks. \u201cDon\u2019t play it, Bob,\u201d he says to me. \u201cPlease.\u201d I swear the guy\u2019s crying. Never saw such fear in him before; never saw him without it later. There he was, just begging me to quit. I look at Billy. He\u2019s not really looking at me, but staring at the deck of cards in my hands. It\u2019s strange, but it\u2019s like he\u2019s hungry. It\u2019s like he has to know. Burt\u2019s still mumbling, but he sits down. I look again at Sam, and it\u2019s like he\u2019s crying, staring into my eyes. Finally it\u2019s Burt that says, \u201cGo ahead, play it,\u201d and he adds, \u201cbut if that\u2019s the other four, I\u2019m leaving and never coming back.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yep, I admit, I hesitated. It was Sam, so afraid, staring into my eyes like that. I look at the other guys, staring at the deck in my hands, waiting for me to play. Then I scanned the table, saw those fours, those fours yelling at me, calling me a coward. I\u2019d said I\u2019d play the hand, damn it, and I played it. I played it.<\/strong><\/p>\n

It was the four of clubs.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Burt threw over his chair so hard that it gouged a chunk out of the wall. He stomped out of the dining room and to the couch, grabbed his coat and was gone. He didn\u2019t say another word, not even cussing. But God, what an asshole he was. And he only got worse from there. Like I told you, there\u2019s a guy who\u2019s dangerous to society, not me. There\u2019s a guy that needs to do some community service. What a loser!<\/strong><\/p>\n

No, really I didn\u2019t think much about Burt at the time. Sam was the one that scared me. I mean, he didn\u2019t even seem to look at the fours on the table. He just looked at me, stared at me with them big cow-eyes of his, wet eyes, you know, teary. He stared at me like somehow I\u2019d done something. Damn it, it was just fours. Just fours.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I looked at Billy, and he was sitting there nodding at the cards, nodding at them like he\u2019d seen some secret message. I kinda lost my temper, I admit, so maybe my language was a little harsh, but I focused on Billy and tried to explain. \u201cIt\u2019s just numbers,\u201d I said. \u201cIt\u2019s just numbers. They\u2019re cards, damn it. Statistics. Sequences happen, they just happen.\u201d I was telling Billy; I couldn\u2019t quite look at Sam.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Billy looked up at me, real calm like. No smile, no anger, like he was talking about the weather. And he says, \u201cWhat are<\/i> the numbers, Bob? What are<\/i> the statistics? Do you know<\/i> the numbers, Bob? What are the likelihoods and probabilities, Bob?\u201d he says, real sarcastic. \u201cCome on, Bob, give me some numbers.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Well, hell, I don\u2019t know the numbers, like I\u2019m some kind of computer. But it\u2019s numbers, right? That\u2019s what you\u2019d say, isn\u2019t it? It\u2019s numbers. These sequences just happen. But there\u2019s Billy talking like he\u2019s calling me a liar, all self-righteous like. But he\u2019s nobody special; he\u2019s no goddam saint. I know Billy.<\/strong><\/p>\n

So I\u2019m about to cuss at him and put him back in his place when there\u2019s the scrape of Sam\u2019s chair. Sam slides back, walks to the living room, grabs his coat and leaves, without saying nothing. \u201cWhere you<\/i> going?\u201d I asked, maybe a little harsh. Billy sounds all sweet: \u201cDon\u2019t go, Sam,\u201d says. But Sam just goes. I saw him a couple times after that and we just talked about sports and shit. He\u2019d kind of look off into the distance, you know, away from me. Seemed so afraid. We\u2019d say goodbye and that was all.<\/strong><\/p>\n

No, I didn\u2019t talk to Billy that night. We did sit there for a second as we heard Sam\u2019s car leave, and I thought about asking Billy what he thought. But why should I? He didn\u2019t understand it any better than I did, no matter what he\u2019d say. Besides, like I keep saying, it\u2019s just statistics, right? Statistics? But I knew he wouldn\u2019t listen to reason, the self-righteous bastard. So finally, he says my name at me like he\u2019s fixing to start something, and I just go up at him. I threw the cards at him and told him where he could shove that damn deck of his.<\/strong>
\n So where are they now? I told you about Burt. Billy? \u2018Course he\u2019s got his church and Bible studies and sermons and shit. Jesus, you give a guy some weird cards on the poker table and he gets the Holy Ghost! Nah, I don\u2019t see him any more; Burt neither. Both of them are losers if you ask me, just different kinds of losers.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sam? Well, nobody sees Sam any more. Didn\u2019t I tell you? Sixty-five miles an hour right into the freeway underpass. Bam! No seat belt either, the fool, not that it would have helped much. No skid marks; just a big crash. Must have fallen asleep. Those things happen.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me? Hell, I\u2019m the only normal one of the bunch, right? OK, the cards were weird. But like I say, it\u2019s just the odds, you know, just the odds. Things like that happen. It\u2019s statistics. It\u2019s like this damn DUI. I mean, how many guys drink and drive and just don\u2019t meet a cop on the road or don\u2019t have some damn idiot turn into his driveway right in front of you, like happened to me. I mean, it\u2019s still just the odds, statistics, you know. Like, what is divorce? Fifty percent? Statistics. It\u2019s all just cards. Just cards.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Look, I really don\u2019t care what you think of me. If you want to call me names, you won\u2019t come up with anything I haven\u2019t heard already from my ex-wife. Or my boss. Really I don\u2019t give a damn. I … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":43,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-529","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kentrichter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/529","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kentrichter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kentrichter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kentrichter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kentrichter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=529"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/kentrichter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/529\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":531,"href":"https:\/\/kentrichter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/529\/revisions\/531"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kentrichter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/43"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kentrichter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=529"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}